Adoptee's View on Myka Stauffer

Like most people, I heard about Myka Stauffer and her adopted son Huxley. And it absolutely broke my heart. 

As someone who was adopted, I can't even imagine the pain and confusion that Huxley is experiencing. Combined with her saying she "rehomed" him as if he was a dog or cat, just hurt even more. 

I tried to make a video about this, but it was too painful and emotional 😥💔, so instead I'll express myself in text ♡

As many adoptees, I get extremely emotional whenever the topic is brought up and I know it'll be a very sensitive subject for the rest of my life. Not just because I was adopted (tho that's a part of it), but because of how I found out: when I was a teenager I mentioned to my mum that a girl in a tv show was adopted and she told me 'and so are you' and left. 

Just like that, my entire life was turned upside down and I felt extremely upset and shocked. And she just left! This was right before school and I spent the rest of the day emotional and confused. I honestly wish she'd never told me or at least waited til I was an adult and sat me down verse throwing it at me as a teenager and leaving me on my own. Since then, I've felt an emptiness inside of me that I can't fill, even with my Darling loving me I still feel extremely empty inside. 

For the Stauffers to rehome Huxley is extremely harmful and irresponsible. She mentions in an earlier video that she was told by doctors that Huxley was extremely disabled and would need lots of care and therapy and "it went in one ear out the other" (her words). She also went on a Facebook group for people looking to adopt from China asking what disabilities are "considered minor or relatively easy", which is disgusting especially considering she basically threw Huxley away because he was "too difficult". 

One thing I think many (if not most) adoptees have experienced, myself included is one or both adopted parents talking about wanting to "return" you. I've talked to many adoptees and this is sadly a very common experience. For me, I was never girly growing up and was more of a "tom-boy", for my mum this was awful and I remember her constantly telling me 'I wanted a girl not a boy' and later, telling me if she knew I was 'going to be like this' she never would have picked me. Even typing those phrases out are still extremely hurtful and painful. I was also told that I was a gift from Allah (swt), because my mum was such a good person, she "got to pick out whatever child I wanted" which also made me feel like a doll on a shelf. The emotional pain and hurt from this will never heal and have left me feeling like a disappointment and as if I'm never good enough. Even once I became more feminine, my mum started complaining and getting angry at me for being "high maitenance". 

I've always wondered if I would experience this if I was her biological child. 

Too many adoptee parents see a child as an object they can pick out and seemingly "customise" without seeing them for what they really are: a human being. With feelings and emotions. Adoptees are normal children. They're going to make you angry, disappoint you, upset you and drive you crazy. Adopting a child expecting them to be perfect and do everything you want is just idiotic and harmful. How many people would "rehome" their own biological children for being a tomboy or being a moody teenager? Why is it seen as ok for adoptee parents to throw this into their adopted child's face? 

If you are going to go through the entire long, difficult and expensive process to adopt a child, throwing them away because they're not your perfect child is not only wrong, it's fucked up. Children are not temporary. They are for life and if you're going to put yourself and possibly other children into their life, you are committing to be in their life forever. Through the good and the bad.

Regardless of whatever excuse the Stauffers might choose to use, they should be ashamed of themselves for treating adoption as something they can just un-do whenever it doesn't work out how they wanted.