I've mentioned my Darling on my blog in the past and while I've mentioned that he's Deaf, one thing I've always shied away from is his age. Not because I'm embarassed or anything, but because I know that age gap relationships are still seen as very unusual and are seen in a negative light especially when you're muslim. I've lost count of the amount of times people have asked if I'm in a forced marriage (despite us not even being married) or how many times people have tried to get me to break up with him just because he's older. Even if they insist they're only doing it because they care, it doesn't sting any less three years after we started courting.
So why am I with someone twice my age?
Honestly, being with someone twice my age is something I never thought I would do, but as cliche as it sounds I fell in love with someone not a number.
We met at work and were friends for three and a half years before becoming a couple and the whole time, he never showed any signs that he was in love with me or felt anything beyond a friendship. We exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts but only rarely spent any time outside of work (twice to get lunch at my suggestion). If you'd asked me if he loved me, I would've said you were crazy but after we became a couple, he admitted that he had been in love with me for three years but had kept it to himself because of his age. We were both equally shocked when we found out each other was in love with each other and if I'm being honest, I'm still a little shocked.
It's been three years since we started courting and ten months since we became engaged and I'm still as in love with him as I was on the first day. While many might look at us and think we don't have anything in common, that's actually the opposite of the truth. We share common interests, beliefs, religious views as well as many common likes and dislikes. Many people assume I'm with him because he was the only muslim man around but that's far from the truth. There were plenty of young muslim men around my age but he was the only one I got along with or felt like I could be proud to be his wife. I always heard that you should pick a partner based on their personality, characteristics and religious views and beliefs not based on their age or how they looked and for this reason, I picked my now-fiancé.
It's happened where someone sees us together and asks if he's my father and while this can be uncomfortable or awkward, I always correct them. Honestly, he looks almost fifteen years younger than he really is and most people are really shocked when they find out he's in his early fifties. I think one of the reasons people mistake me for his daughter besides our ages is that most people say I look a lot younger than my real age. We've been on dates or gone out to the movies and I feel like we get way more stares or comments because he's Deaf rather than the age thing.
Obviously, being with someone that's literally twice your age can be really difficult and there have been plenty of times when we've fought and disagreed over something little. At the beginning of our relationship, I felt so insecure and nervous being with him mostly because of the mostly negative reactions and comments that surrounded us. I wouldn't change anything but I think looking back on things, I was a little too young and too immature and this caused so many problems. I would pick fights over stupid things or just be genuinely difficult for no reason and it caused so many problems. However, no matter how difficult I was, he loved me and put up with me even when I acted like a brat and we've grown together as people and I can honestly say I made the right decision and I can't wait to get married or spend many more years together, in sha Allah ❤
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