As previously mentioned, I'm a chronically ill disabled muslimah and cannot fast due to medical reasons. Despite this, I feel so much guilt and pressure to fast that I normally end up trying to fast anyway and end up making myself incredibly sick. The reaction has gotten increasingly bad and this year, I ended up vomitting and having body tremors before my Darling called it off. You'd think that would be end of things and I wouldn't try it again... unfortunately, as the title suggests, that's not what happened.
I suffer from reactive hypoglycemia and have to keep a close eye on what I eat and drink and make sure I keep snacks, drinks and glucose tablets on me at all times to avoid passing out or body tremors. If my sugar gets too low, I can even have seizures, although I've been blessed and mostly had seizures at night from my sugar dropping in my sleep. For this reason, I think most would agree that it's way too dangerous for me to fast. And you'd think I would stop trying to fast since the side effect could quite literally be death. Sadly, my dumbass decided as long as I took precautions, it would be fine, so I went and bought a pepsi and took little sips out of it throughout the day to try and keep my sugar at an ok-level. ♀️♀️♀️ If you realise how stupid and dangerous this is, you have more sense than I did at the time.
I actually ended up making it almost to sunset and despite feeling extremely nauseous, dizzy and light-headed, I really felt like it would all be ok and work out. My Darling had told me to come have dinner with him at work so I went and met up with him and he took me out to eat. On the way over, I told him I felt like I had a fever and asked him to check my temperature, but figured it was just my sugar being low. When I first started eating, I felt a little sick, but decided to keep eating since I figured it was due to my sugar suddenly rising after a day of being extremely low. Normally, if I feel sick, eating will make me feel much better, but this time, none of the nausea left. We spent an hour together chatting and filling our empty tummies and I still figured I'd feel better in a little.
However, on the way to the work parking lot, I had to stop and pull over from overwhelming dizziness and light-headedness. I couldn't focus on anything and it was like everything was spinning and rocking back and forth. He was really worried and asked me if I was ok and asked if I was dizzy. I told him I was and he got even more worried and concerned, which only got worse when I told him I hadn't eaten anything all day. He was completely shocked and asked me what else I was experiencing in terms of symptoms and I tried to calm him by reminding him that we'd just eaten so I would be fine soon. We drove back to the store and he asked me to come in with him and just rest or walk around since he was scared of me driving in my condition.
I agreed and after around an hour, I drove home, but everything just kept getting worse so despite having eaten an hour before, I sat down and ate again. I figured this would be enough, and got up to wash my dishes but next thing I knew, I'd slammed half my body into the fridge and my legs and feet didn't seem to want to work. I tried to get back to the living room so I could sit down, but kept losing my balance and having to catch myself to prevent my face slamming into everything. I felt cold and clammy and was sweating really badly and was panicking. When I finally made my way to the living room, I collapsed on the couch and gasped for breath trying to calm myself down. I quickly decided I needed bed rest and to take my medicine and try to keep my sugar up as much as I could and hope my body figured out the rest.
It's been a day since, and the nauseous is still here, although the dizziness and light-headedness has gone, alhamdulillah. I'm hoping that if I keep eating, I'll be back to normal soon, in sha Allah; if not, it's off to the doctor! If I could back in time and kick my own ass, I would, but I can't so I have to live with the consequences. I can assure you of one thing though: I will never ever fast again and I urge anyone with a chronic illness not to fast. Maybe things will be fine, but if it's not, it can turn bad quickly and it's not worth the possible lifelong health effects you could experience. I'm lucky I was with my fiancΓ© when I started experiencing the overwhelming dizziness, I'm scared to think of what might've happened if I had been driving alone. I wanted so badly to fast, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it and I might've permanently damaged my body.
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