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Young revert living the cutie life while trying to keep her heart as soft as possible, iA.

Battling Depression 🌧🌧🌧

I'm sure you've noticed, but I haven't updated my blog in a little over two weeks and I feel like I should talk a little about what's been going on. As suggested by the title, I've been struggling very badly with depression recently, although it's something I've really struggled with my whole life. For me, it comes out of nowhere and feels like I'm drowning no matter how hard I try to get my head above water.
Unlike most people I've met, depression wasn't something that just hit me out of nowhere when I became a "moody teen". For as long as I can remember, I've experienced depressive episodes and felt like I had an awful, little raincloud constantly following me around. The first time I ever expressed these feelings was when I was around seven or eight, although I'm sad to say my parents didn't respond very well or supportively and instead told me God would be so angry at me. As if that was supposed to magically fix my depression? Instead it just made me feel even worse and taught me to hide my feelings and depression and turned it into a problem that just sort of festered and got worse.
I'm not entirely sure what caused my recent depressive episode, but I think maybe it was just a combination of stress at work as well as being followed by that man in HEB. But at the same time, I know in the past that an episode can seemingly pop out of nowhere and really blindside me. This episode has been the worst in a long time, to the point where I haven't gone anywhere apart from work. Before, I used to go out to eat or just walk around the mall or just walk around the neighbourhood or drive around town to go to the different PokeGyms. Lately, I haven't really played Pokemon apart from once a day on my way home from work to keep up my streak, but then if I'm off, I normally don't leave the house.
I just feel very sad and unsure of things now, especially after my Darling spent so long and put in so much effort to help me get out of the house and just explore a little. Even though I normally wouldn't venture further than my little town, I still felt very happy and more carefree just getting out. Now, however, I don't even venture to the park next to my house to get the Pokemon that are literally next to my home and I hate it. Last week, I'm happy to say I cooked for the first time in a long time and it actually made me really happy. I'm hoping I can start to slowly get myself out of this slump I'm in and go back to the happy-go-lucky girl that my Darling fell in love with, in sha Allah.
I would ask everyone to please make dua for me and pray that I will be able to overcome this awful depressive episode, because I feel like a shell of my former self and it makes me so sad.

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